I’m missing him a lot more today than I have in the last week. For many reasons, I know, because I listened to my voicemail box last night and there were 3 from him, calling me babycakes and telling me he missed me. Because I slept alone and cold and sad. Because he doesn’t care. Because I was reading Looking for Alaska again and it got to the part when Miles makes out with Lara on top of the sleeping bag when they barely knew each other, and that’s how Ben and I began. Because my life is full of irony and sadness. And because I trusted him with everything. He was the first boyfriend I never lied to. And I lie a lot.